Although some people “believe” that birds are government-controlled surveillance drones monitoring all of us from the sky, they still mimic the real deal, including feeding on seeds and fruits we set out for them. I mean, if you think about it, if the government was going to exterminate birds and replace them with winged cameras, why wouldn’t they be programmed to stop at feeders like actual avifauna? It gives them a closer view of our homes via patios and backyards. Anything that could get that close to us could see some real shit.

Even if birds were part of a massive government domestic surveillance program, they’d still be pretty awesome. Observing them can bring joy and provide countless hours of entertainment. To attract these fascist flyers, however, Thin Blue Line flags won’t do, and Gadsden banners might scare them off, since they prominently feature snakes, a natural predator of smaller birds and their eggs. 

You’ll need to put out a feed full of seeds, nuts, and fruit to bring all the birds to the yard. However, until now, most feed has been boring, messy, and targeted by anti-CIA operatives, such as squirrels, which eat and hoard the bird seed, stymying the government’s efforts to spy on us with avian life-model decoys.